Letting Go

"Memories
Light the corners of my mind
Misty watercolor memories
Of the way we were"

Barbara Streisand, The Way We Were, 1973

I have been undergoing a massive downsizing. Going from about 3,600 sq ft to 800 means you learn about things like minimalism and you learn what you really need and do not need. Downsizing can also be quite a spiritual cleansing as you clear out the physical clutter in your life. De-cluttering does not mean just get rid of everything. You learn what things you have truly serves your soul and has value, purpose and meaning in your life.

This weekend has been an example of this in my life as I went through countless sympathy cards from 25 years ago. I realized something as I looked through them - they were no longer comforting. The cards no longer contained any value or purpose in my life. Please understand that I am forever grateful to those who took the time to express their condolences to my family and me during that devestating time. The words meant a lot to us all and provided much needed comfort. The cards and letters were eventually gathered up and buried deep in the crevices of excess storage, not to be seen again until this past weekend. I knew as I read them again that they were no longer needed. My life has moved forward, my kids' lives have moved forward, and that is good. The cards, letters and their words were good in that time and space. I am no longer in that time and space. All the condolences could do was take me back to that time that I would rather forget. 

I did choose to keep three letters which are still meaningful. The first was from one of Angie's former roommates at Baylor, who addressed the letter to my sons. The letter brought out Angie's ability to love deeply. The second was from one of her former colleagues at Ecolab who really highlighted the respect she garnered in her profession. The third was from The First Baptist Church of South Pittsburg, Tennessee. This church had a ministry at the time that would send volunteers to local hospitals to visit and bring comfort to those who were suffering. There were several members of that church who came to the hospital and played with the boys (keeping them distracted) while I was being treated for a broken collarbone. The pastor's wife, sizing up the situation, went to Wal Mart and bought some overnight clothes for the boys and grabbed some her husband's clothes for me (apparently, we were roughly the same size). I will never forget the kindness and generosity of those people who came and stayed for several hours. In my attempt to repay their kindness (which I could never truly do), I sent a donation to the church and a check to the pastor's family to repay them for their out-of-pocket expense. 

I received a letter back from the church, signed by the pastor, thanking me for my donation. As I read it further, I was struck by the fact that he was hoping to purchase hand bells and create a permanent hand bell choir that would make beautiful music for many years. Hand bells really do make a beautiful sound, and when done well are joyful. Angie loved hand bells and to think that out of something so devestating, something beautiful could arise does bring a sense of happiness to my soul. Another thought has crossed my mind. I never did find out if the church purchased those hand bells. I hope they did!

One final thought. I would not recommend listening to Barbra Streisand singing "The Way We Were" while de-cluttering and parting with things from your past. It is a beautiful song, and Ms. Streisand's vocals were flawless in singing this song. But it will tear your guts out.

Scattered pictures

Of the smiles we left behind

Smiles we gave to one another

For the way we were

The Significance of Today

 

Today, the Kansas City Chiefs are playing for their third consecutive Super Bowl championship, a feat never before accomplished. However, the significance of today goes back over 50 years for me. I first became a Chiefs fan back in the early 1970’s when Hank Stram was still the Head Coach and Len Dawson was the Quarterback. The Chiefs had just begun a downward slide that would last in one form or another for 50 years.

I was there for the 18 seasons between 1972-1989 when the Chiefs appeared in just one playoff game. When the Chiefs were coached by people like Paul Wiggin, John Mackovic and Frank Gzanz, and presided over by GM Jack Steadman. I was there during the Marty Schottenheimer years where we enjoyed regular season success but suffered heartbreaking playoff defeats. Marty also suffered the same fate in Cleveland, producing regular season success and two heartbreaking defeats against Denver in 1986 and 1987. In Kansas City, Schottenheimer took the Chiefs to the doorstep of the Super Bowl in 1993 before losing to the Buffalo Bills in the AFC Championship Game. Then came crushing defeats against the Indianapolis Colts in 1995 and the Denver Broncos in 1997. Thus began a 21-season stretch between 1994-2014 where the Chiefs would not win a single playoff game. This would include home playoff losses to the Colts in 2003, and the Baltimore Ravens in 2010 and an inexplicable loss to the Colts (they sure show up here a lot) in 2013 where the Chiefs blew a 38-10 lead. This was another lost period for the Chiefs as they were coached by the likes of Herm Edwards, Todd Haley and Romeo Crennel. Then came more heartbreak with home playoff losses to the Pittsburgh Steelers in 2016, the Tennessee Titans in 2017 and the New England Patriots in 2018.

The New England defeat in the 2018 AFC Championship Game still ranks (and will probably forever rank) as the most heartbreaking defeat I have experienced as a Chiefs fan. Nothing will ever top the Royals-Yankees Game 5 in 1977 in the heartbreaking defeat department, but this was a very close second. I watched with absolute joy as the Chiefs intercepted a Tom Brady pass with about 1:30 to go in the game and the Chiefs up 28-24. Only to watch it all evaporate with an offside penalty on Dee Ford that gave the great Tom Brady the opening he needed. Needless to say, Brady and the Patriots took full advantage. What would it take for the Chiefs to break through? How much more could a long suffering Chiefs fan take?

This is where I close with some reality (I am forever a realist).  As a Chiefs fan, with this kind of history, I have felt eternally blessed by the past six seasons. We have all certainly been blessed. There are plenty of others who are much more die hard fans than I, who have a longer history with this organization. Today is for these fans. I know that no fan of any team is entitled to a winning season, much less a championship season. At the end of the day, this is just a football game. I do not put my hopes and dreams in a bunch of football players, or in a football team. To see a team that I have rooted for all my life have a chance not only at a championship season, but to make history is just cool! GO CHIEFS!!