The Moral Dilemma

This post is primarily directed at those who are, or have been, parents of teenagers.  I have wrestled with this idea since I first heard it about 6 or 7 years ago.  In all that time, I still do not even know my answer to this dilemma.

The dilemma is this:  as my sons enter their peak sexual years, should I provide them with condoms that they can have access to with no questions asked as they go out on dates?  On the one hand, it will prevent unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases.  On the other hand, am I enabling an activity that I cannot condone? 

I do not want my sons having sex at this time in their lives.  I know that I cannot stop them, regardless of past teachings.  Abstinence is the only 100% guarantee that there will be no unplanned pregnancies and no diseases.  The kids do not understand the power of sex.  At this age, boys think they are bullet proof.  They do not understand what AIDS truly means (that it is largely a death sentence).  They do not understand the power it holds over a young woman's feelings.  What would happen if one of my sons got a young lady pregnant?  Neither of them has the tools, skill set or maturity to provide for it.  I cannot tell the young lady which way to go on abortion/adaption/keep the child, even though she would be carrying my grandchild.  Part of my problem here is that my parents never discussed any of this with me.  Maybe for some people, this is a no brainer. Maybe there are considerations here that I am not thinking of (excuse me for ending a sentence in a preposition).  Parents, your perspectives are much appreciated.

To Love and Cherish Candice

"Husbands love your wives as Christ has loved the church, giving himself up for her." Ephesians 5:25, Paul's letter to the church in Ephesus

Warning, this post is going to get sappy.  Yes, I am in love and proud to admit it.  I am about to embark on a new life with Candice Brooke, and I could not be happier about it, nor more excited.  I am getting married to her July 28, and a new life begins for me, one full of hope and promise.

I must admit, I never cared much for being single.  Oh sure, I learned to piece together a life of sorts.  Perhaps there were opportunities I failed to exploit.  Tough to take advantage of all opportunities when you are a full time single parent of two very young kids.  My two sons have sustained me these past thirteen years more than I know.  But there times I needed love and support they simply could not provide.  I knew I had a good marriage before, but likely did not fully appreciate just how good.  Being single the past thirteen years has given me perspective.  A perspective that I hope leads to an even greater appreciation of Candice and the diligence to never take her for granted and to love her endlessly.

Marriage is not for everyone.  This I know.  But it is for me.  My life's experiences have taught me this.  I knew this back in 1991 and I have never lost that knowledge about myself.  In 2012, I know this about myself more than ever.  I am so grateful for Candice's love.  I have felt it in so many ways, and it heals the soul in ways being single cannot.  Yes, I will need my moments alone.  That's part of my personality.  And she will need her time away from me.  But even with my "single" time, I most look forward to being married to Candice.

I do not mean to idealize marriage and make it something that it is not.  I know we face many turbulent days ahead over issues that likely have not even surfaced yet, even with several marriage counseling sessions.  We will fight.  We will each have strong opinions about stuff, whether it's the color we paint the bedroom walls to whose kid started the fight and how to punish it.  I might have an offhanded remark meant to be funny that will hurt her feelings.  I would never intentionally do that, but it will happen at times.  She would hurt my feelings at times too, if I had any.  At the end of the day, I still love Candice.  It's easy to say I always will, but after the past 13 years, with my life's experiences, my appreciation for the blessing that she is to me will not be forgotten and I will always love her.

Men, I come back to the verse at the top.  If you are married, love your wife, treasure her.  The grass is not greener on the other side.  Remember why you married her.  Never lose the passion for her.  For those of you in great marriages, congratulations!  You have worked hard to make a truly extraordinary life for each other.  After my life's experiences the past thirteen years, I will always be grateful to Candice, will love her forever, and hope that I never take her for granted.   And together, make a truly extraordinary life!  I love you, Candice!