Six months ago today, July 18, 2018, I suffered a stroke. In
some ways, it seems long ago, in others it is as if it happened yesterday. It
has been an amazing journey, and I am a different person physically, spiritually,
and mentally. I will state up front that strokes affect everyone differently. A
stroke can affect any part of the brain and depending on which areas get hit is
what will determine what your recovery will look like.
One of the first questions I had was “Could this happen
again?” The answer is a resounding yes. In fact, the biggest risk of a second
stroke occurs in the first year after you survive your initial stroke.
Depending on which study you want to believe, the risk of a second stroke within
that first year is 2x – 7x greater than for a person who has never had a
stroke. Men are more susceptible to strokes than women, as men have generally
higher blood pressure. Even 5 years out, the risk of a recurrence is 40% higher
than for those who have suffered no prior strokes. I read that 23% of
women and 42% of men who survive strokes will have another at some point. That’s
a lot to live with right there! But I have also learned that living with
constant worry and fear is no way to live.
My body is certainly different. My right side is still numb
and will likely be that way for a long time, perhaps for the rest of my life.
It is a constant reminder, that “thorn in my side” as the Apostle Paul wrote
about in 2 Corinthians (2 Cor 12:7-8). One result is that I have lost
noticeable grip strength in my right hand. I still have problems holding objects
in my right hand. For example, a drink will still tip over unless I watch it
carefully. Another I noticed during my initial physical therapy evaluation when
the therapist asked me to stand up, put my feet together and look straight
ahead for thirty seconds. Piece of cake. Then the therapist asked me to close
my eyes. I did and started staggering like a drunk person. My vision was compensating
for what turned out to be a loss of function in my eardrums for balance. I have
since got much of that function back. Finally, I did have some initial face
droop. One of the recommended exercises (out of several) to combat face droop
is to practice kissing. I am not making this up! Practice kissing. So, I extend
an invitation to all the ladies who wish to help me with this exercise (HAHA).
Just have to see the humor in all this mess, too. I have adjusted my diet, primarily
by reducing my salt intake, designed to lower my blood pressure. I have lost
some weight in the process, although that is not my primary goal or
consideration. Finally, I am on 5 different medications daily, consuming 7
pills and that has helped hold my blood pressure in check. I have not missed a
dose of medication in the last six months. My body is different now and I will
not always be able to do the things I used to do.
The biggest change that I have noticed is in how my brain
works. Functions that have been most affected are my balance, my speech and the
way I process light. I can tell my brain does not react with the same speed
that it used to. I do not fall or slur my words but walking in a straight line
can be challenging for me. If you are walking next to me, you might be prepared
to get bumped or at least have me lean into you. But the way I process light
has really taken me by surprise. I first noticed this as daylight savings time
ended and I was driving after dark more often. The incoming lights from
automobiles takes a toll and mentally exhausts me. But the night I drove past a
police car that had its lights flashing, I felt overwhelmed. My brain could not
take it and I had to close my eyes for a couple of seconds. Obviously, I will
not be dancing at a club or seeing a movie anytime soon with all those flashing
lights coming at me. My brain is rewiring.
This has been an interesting journey as I have progressed
through recovery. I was fortunate that I had a mild stroke. I have spoken of a
“new normal” in the past and that is exactly what I am discovering. My body
cannot do things it used to. My brain works differently, and a bit slower. I
can see places where I have had to change physically and mentally. Spiritually,
I am filled with more gratitude than ever before and I my soul is filled with
more happiness and peace than I have known in years. I am mystified that I have
given up things I used to do, yet I am more at peace with myself. I still get
frustrated at times, but not like I used to. Each day is a gift. I have made it
this far, and God willing, there is much more to go down this winding,
unpredictable and glorious path of life.
