Hosting the Perfect Super Bowl Party

I will be the first to admit that I am one of those dorks who watches the Super Bowl because I want to see a football game.  This will be the last football game I see until late August (at the earliest), so I do want to enjoy it.  I do not care one bit for the commercials.  To  me, commercials are the time to refresh your plate or use the bathroom.  I do not care for the pregame either.  I do not really need to know which celebrities are at the game.  But, it is fun to get together with friends to watch the game.  However, I am some combination of utterly amazed and stupefied at the same time when I see all the websites dedicated to helping one (primarily women) throw the perfect Super Bowl party.  So here in this one space is my tribute to how men and women go about hosting the perfect Super Bowl party.  And yes, I know this is very stereotypical.  So shoot me, this is what this whole exercise is about!




How Men Host the Perfect Super Bowl Party
Really, it does not take much effort here.  Us guys are pretty simple and easy to please.  Just call up a few buddies a few days before kickoff.  Here is our idea of the perfect Super Bowl party:




1.  An awesome big screen TV, with 1080p resolution and 240Hz refresh rate.  This is obviously top of the line stuff.  This is just a suggestion, not mandatory, but it will not take much coaxing to get a few guys together if you have the awesome TV!  It can make your whole Super Bowl party one to remember.




2.  Beer and sodas.  It does not matter what kind of beer or what kind of soda (as long as it is not diet soda).




3.  Food A couple of pizzas, a couple of buckets of wings, and chips and dip.  The dip could be Pace picante sauce or you could make a rotel tomato and Velveeta dip if you're going all out.  And don't forget the ranch dressing if you're having wings.  If you do not have ranch dressing, go to the grocery store and get a bottle.




4.  A couple of nice couches would add a nice touch.  If not, a few card table chairs will do.




5.  A couple of extra items:  perhaps you could have the guys bring over some money for all the side bets you'll make with each other.  And make sure your toilets work!




How Women Host the Perfect Super Bowl Party
Guys, this could get painful to read. Be sure you have some time if you're going to read this!  The ladies get into this whole party thing more than we do.  And, I am not even sure they care that much about the game itself.  I have also added, parenthetically, a man's commentary.  Since I am single, I can say what all you married are thinking, but cannot say.  Here is a woman's idea of the perfect Super Bowl party:




1.  It starts with a theme (Huh??).  Since it is the Super Bowl, we will want to have the proper theme.  Are your guests all rooting for the same team?  Then you can have a theme around either Seattle or Denver.  Otherwise, if you have fans rooting for both teams, you will want to keep it to a simple generic football theme.   You will need to know your theme because it leads right into point 2:




2.  Colors.  (What the hell?)  If your guests are all rooting for the same team you can use that teams colors.  Otherwise, you will want to mix and match the two teams colors (blue and green for Seattle, blue and orange for Denver).  Or  you may want to use a neutral color if you think these respective teams have hideous color combinations.  You will need to know your colors fairly soon so that you can pick out matching plates, napkins and cups.  Since a Super Bowl is a casual occasion, paper plates, napkins and cups are all appropriate and it makes for easy clean up afterwards!  Having your colors picked out will also give you time to get your streamers and balloons all thought out before your big day.  Also, you will want to find the proper matching online invitations that you can email to all your invited guests.  Proper etiquette dictates that you should send out your invitations 13 days in advance, although 12 days should also give your guests plenty of time to make plans.




3. Food (finally the good stuff!).  You will want to keep this simple so let's start with chips and dip.  You will want to have a variety of dips, such as 7 layer dip, spinach/artichoke dip, homemade pico de gallo, homemade guacamole, and yes, even have the rotel tomato and velveeta cheese dip.  That should keep it simple while giving your guests plenty of choices.  You will also want to have a vegetable tray and a fruit tray for healthy alternatives to the chips and dip.  While the vegetable dip will likely be ranch dressing (use buttermilk for the best homemade ranch dressing), you can use yogurt for the dip to your fruit tray.  You can also use the Internet here to find some truly unique recipes to try with your guests.  You can find plenty of healthy choices here so that while you eat, you are also maintaining a healthy diet.  You can also try something a little different such as a potato bar at your party.  Or set aside a couple bowls of M&M's in decorative bowls, each with the teams colors in M&M's (blue and green M&M's for Seattle or blue and orange M&M's for Denver!).  Doing something truly different will add that little bit of festiveness to your party that your guests will talk about for a long time!  You will want to give yourself several days to put together your Super Bowl party menu. (Do we really have to do all that??)




4.  Drinks (how hard can this be, right?)  Of course, you will want to have plenty of drinks on hand to satisfy those thirsty guests.  You will want to have plenty of beer on hand, and here you can add your own unique flavor.  You can serve that really unique local brew to your guests, or the one with a truly one of a kind name.  Your guests are sure to get a kick out of trying something new and you are helping a small local brewer as opposed to the big national brands.  Plus, you will need to have a couple bottles each of red wine and white wine.  You will also want plenty of soda on hand for the kids or for your guests who would prefer soda.  You will need lots of diet soda for your girlfriends who want to limit their calorie intake and do not forget the bottled water.




5.  Seating Make sure you have plenty of seating for your guests.  If needed, a few extra card table chairs around the TV is a perfectly acceptable arrangement.  After all, you will want to have plenty of seating for your guests!  This will be especially true when the commercials come on.  After all, who doesn't watch the commercials during the Super Bowl? (Me!  That's who!).  Of course you will want to be able to discuss your favorite commercials in detail with the other ladies in the office on Monday morning!!




6. Housecleaning  Nothing can ruin your perfect Super Bowl party like a dirty house, especially the bathrooms (and I was thinking nothing could ruin it like over-the-top planning!).  The day of the game, you will want to go around to all the bathrooms and make sure each is spotlessly clean.  It would also be a nice touch to add a basket of some unique soaps, still in the packaging of course, and some decorative towels.  Just make sure to wash your hands at least a dozen times after you are done.  (Nothing like a little overkill to add to the drama!)




7.  Look fabulous for your guests!  Nothing tops off the perfect Super Bowl party quite like looking your very best and coming across to your guests like it was all very easy.  Your guests will marvel at how easily you pulled this off and soon you will be counted to throw the Super Bowl party each year!  How fun!!




Guys are you as completely dazed and confused as I am?  And what about that awesome TV??  Don't you need that too?  Did you just read that and realize that your own "honey do" list just grew exponentially?  I realize that about 80% of this is completely unnecessary.  After all, how many of our guy friends would walk away from our Super Bowl party and comment, "Boy, that Lou really knows how to decorate his house for a party!"




But, if your wife (or your girlfriend) is one to throw such a party, be sure to thank her afterwards.  It will mean a lot to her that you realized her efforts and took the time to acknowledge it.  And, in the end, you may realize how truly blessed you really are.