Six Months. Each Day Is A Gift

Six months ago today, July 18, 2018, I suffered a stroke. In some ways, it seems long ago, in others it is as if it happened yesterday. It has been an amazing journey, and I am a different person physically, spiritually, and mentally. I will state up front that strokes affect everyone differently. A stroke can affect any part of the brain and depending on which areas get hit is what will determine what your recovery will look like.

One of the first questions I had was “Could this happen again?” The answer is a resounding yes. In fact, the biggest risk of a second stroke occurs in the first year after you survive your initial stroke. Depending on which study you want to believe, the risk of a second stroke within that first year is 2x – 7x greater than for a person who has never had a stroke. Men are more susceptible to strokes than women, as men have generally higher blood pressure. Even 5 years out, the risk of a recurrence is 40% higher than for those who have suffered no prior strokes. I read that 23% of women and 42% of men who survive strokes will have another at some point. That’s a lot to live with right there! But I have also learned that living with constant worry and fear is no way to live.

My body is certainly different. My right side is still numb and will likely be that way for a long time, perhaps for the rest of my life. It is a constant reminder, that “thorn in my side” as the Apostle Paul wrote about in 2 Corinthians (2 Cor 12:7-8). One result is that I have lost noticeable grip strength in my right hand. I still have problems holding objects in my right hand. For example, a drink will still tip over unless I watch it carefully. Another I noticed during my initial physical therapy evaluation when the therapist asked me to stand up, put my feet together and look straight ahead for thirty seconds. Piece of cake. Then the therapist asked me to close my eyes. I did and started staggering like a drunk person. My vision was compensating for what turned out to be a loss of function in my eardrums for balance. I have since got much of that function back. Finally, I did have some initial face droop. One of the recommended exercises (out of several) to combat face droop is to practice kissing. I am not making this up! Practice kissing. So, I extend an invitation to all the ladies who wish to help me with this exercise (HAHA). Just have to see the humor in all this mess, too. I have adjusted my diet, primarily by reducing my salt intake, designed to lower my blood pressure. I have lost some weight in the process, although that is not my primary goal or consideration. Finally, I am on 5 different medications daily, consuming 7 pills and that has helped hold my blood pressure in check. I have not missed a dose of medication in the last six months. My body is different now and I will not always be able to do the things I used to do.

The biggest change that I have noticed is in how my brain works. Functions that have been most affected are my balance, my speech and the way I process light. I can tell my brain does not react with the same speed that it used to. I do not fall or slur my words but walking in a straight line can be challenging for me. If you are walking next to me, you might be prepared to get bumped or at least have me lean into you. But the way I process light has really taken me by surprise. I first noticed this as daylight savings time ended and I was driving after dark more often. The incoming lights from automobiles takes a toll and mentally exhausts me. But the night I drove past a police car that had its lights flashing, I felt overwhelmed. My brain could not take it and I had to close my eyes for a couple of seconds. Obviously, I will not be dancing at a club or seeing a movie anytime soon with all those flashing lights coming at me. My brain is rewiring.

This has been an interesting journey as I have progressed through recovery. I was fortunate that I had a mild stroke. I have spoken of a “new normal” in the past and that is exactly what I am discovering. My body cannot do things it used to. My brain works differently, and a bit slower. I can see places where I have had to change physically and mentally. Spiritually, I am filled with more gratitude than ever before and I my soul is filled with more happiness and peace than I have known in years. I am mystified that I have given up things I used to do, yet I am more at peace with myself. I still get frustrated at times, but not like I used to. Each day is a gift. I have made it this far, and God willing, there is much more to go down this winding, unpredictable and glorious path of life.