Pay Heed All Who Enter - A Tribute to Phog Allen



Dr. Forrest C. "Phog" Allen
 

Thirty nine years ago today, September 16, 1974, legendary Kansas basketball coach, Phog Allen, passed away at the age of 88 in Lawrence, Ks.  While Dr. Allen was most known for his legendary coaching tenure at KU, and for the building at KU named in his honor, he was a most extraordinary man in many other ways.

To say that Phog Allen was perhaps the most influential and extraordinary person in basketball history would be an understatement.  Forrest Clare Allen was born in November, 1885 in Jamesport, Missouri, a community most notable today as an Amish community in north, central Missouri.  At an early age, he moved with his family to Independence, Missouri, where he grew up.  Allen graduated from William Chrisman High School (then Independence High) in Independence, Mo and as he pondered his college decision, he narrowed his choices to two schools:  the University of Missouri in Columbia and the University of Kansas in Lawrence.  Allen chose KU because at that time the city of Lawrence had paved roads and Columbia did not.  He took this as a sign that Lawrence was a more progressive, forward-looking city, and that KU would be a better place for him.

Allen lettered in basketball for 3 years and baseball for two years at KU.  It was also at KU that he launched his coaching career, first coaching at Baker University  in Baldwin, Kansas, about 10 miles south of Lawrence.  He coached Baker for 3 seasons (yes, while he was a student at KU and lettering in basketball at KU), and compiled a 45-9 record.  During the fall of 1907, he began coaching KU after Dr. James Naismith, the founder of the game, left KU.  Phog would coach both KU and Baker that year (this would be his third and final season at Baker), compiling a combined 31-12 record.  His record at KU was 18-6, and he coached the Jayhawks to a 6-0 conference record in the newly formed Missouri Valley conference.  KU would win the conference again in the 1908-1909 season, with a 25-3 record and an 8-2 conference record.  During the 1908-1909 season, Phog coached the Haskell Indian Institute basketball team, located in Lawrence, to a 27-5 record, in his only season as their coach.

After the 1908-1909 season, Phog left his positions in basketball to return to school and study Osteopathy at the Kansas College of Osteopathy.  Osteopathy is the study of manipulating bones and joints to treat injuries, particularly to the back, knees and ankles.  At that time, it was still considered a controversial form of treatment, but Dr. Allen would go on to have a successful medical practice as an osteopath after he retired from coaching. 

Dr. Allen resumed his coaching career after he completed his medical degree, coaching both football and basketball at Warrensburg Teachers College (today known as the University of Central Missouri), in Warrensburg, Mo.  He coached the football team for six seasons, compiling a 29-17 record, and in seven seasons as the basketball coach, compiled an 84-31 record.  After the completion of the 1918-1919 school years, Dr. Allen returned to Kansas.

Dr. Allen came back to KU in 1919 as the school’s first Athletic Director, a position he would hold until 1937.  Doc also coached the KU football team in 1920, compiling a 5-2-1 record.  But his greatest glory would come in basketball, where he would coach KU for the next 37 seasons.  In the end, Doc Allen would coach 50 seasons (39 at KU) and would compile a 746-264 record overall and a 590-219 record at KU.  The Jayhawks won 24 conference titles under Dr. Allen, as they played at various times in the Missouri Valley, Big Six and Big Seven conferences.  Phog would also win 3 national championships at KU, including the 1952 NCAA Tournament.

Contributions to Basketball Outside KU

A young Phog Allen with Dr. James Naismith

For reasons that are at best incomprehensible, the dribble was outlawed in basketball back in 1927.  This was a move that so infuriated Dr. Allen that he called a meeting of various coaches in Des Moines, Iowa after the Drake Relays.  He stirred up so much dissension with his protests that the dribble was re-instated, and out of that protest the National Association of Basketball Coaches (NABC) was formed.  Dr. Allen served as the organization’s first president.  Today, the NABC has over 5,000 members, primarily high school and college basketball coaches.  The organization still serves as a “guardian of the game”.  Several years later, the NABC would dream up the idea of having a national championship tournament, sponsored by the NCAA.  Theirs would gather all the major conference champions, plus a few select independents.  Their first tournament was held in 1939 in Evanston, Illinois.  Oregon won the tournament, but it was a financial disaster, and the NCAA wanted to scrap it.  It was Phog Allen who stepped in and lobbied the NCAA to give this tournament another chance.  He requested that the NCAA move the tournament to Kansas City, and move their headquarters there as well.  He assured the NCAA that he could make the 1940 tournament profitable and he did just that.  The 1940 tournament was won by Indiana, beating Phog Allen’s Kansas team 60-42 in the championship game.  More importantly, the tournament was a financial success.  Today, the NCAA Tournament is one of the nation’s biggest sporting events.  For those of you who enjoy “March Madness” today, you can thank Phog Allen’s desperate lobby for a second chance.

Dr. Allen’s proudest professional contribution to basketball involved his efforts to make basketball an Olympic sport.  He was the leading voice in making basketball an Olympic sport and basketball debuted in the Olympics in the Berlin games of 1936.  All the medals were presented by Dr. James Naismith, the game’s inventor.  The United States dominated the Olympics, winning all gold medals between 1936 and 1968, and not losing a game.   As he neared death, Dr. Allen requested that he be buried in his “USA Basketball” outfit, signifying the prominence that he gave to this accomplishment in his life.



Doc and Dean Smith

Dr. Allen also coached many players at KU who would go on to contribute to the game of basketball at other schools.  At KU, he coached Hall of Fame coaches Adolph Rupp, Dutch Longborg, Ralph Miller, and Dean Smith.  At one time, Allen had coached 3 of the 10 winningest coaches in NCAA history (and Doc himself was a fourth in that top 10 list).  Both Rupp and Smith would retire from their respective jobs as college basketball’s all time winningest coach.  I think it is fair to ask where would the Kentucky and North Carolina (two of the three all-time winningest programs in history, with KU being the third) programs be today without Phog Allen.  And he would coach Hall of Fame players Paul Endacott, Bill Johnson and Clyde Lovellette.  He would coach KU to the 1952 NCAA Championship and to two runner-up finishes in 1940 and 1953.  He would also successfully recruit to KU the most dominant player in the history of the game to that point, Wilt Chamberlain.  In what has to be a tribute to the reach he had on the game of basketball, Miami Heat General Manager Pat Riley, a 5 time NBA Championship coach, once said that he was in a sense, “of Kansas.”  Significant because Riley never played at Kansas, never coached at Kansas, never played against Kansas, never coached against Kansas.  Riley did play at Kentucky for Adolph Rupp, who played for Phog Allen at Kansas.  And to this, Riley traces his basketball heritage.

Allen Fieldhouse



Phog Allen in Allen Fieldhouse

For most of Dr. Allen’s career at KU, the Jayhawks played their games in a theater, Hoch (pronounced hoke) Auditorium.  There was even a place where the baseline intersected with one of the theater’s walls.  In the late 1940’s, Kansas State University Athletic Director Michael Ahern successfully lobbied the Kansas Legislature for funds to build a new basketball facility on the Wildcats’ campus.  Completed in 1951, Ahern Fieldhouse seated 11,220 fans and was certainly a sparkling addition to the K-State campus.  Doc decided that KU needed something even bigger and better and he lobbied the Kansas Legislature for funds to build a new basketball facility for the Jayhawks.  His only request of the Legislature was that the KU facility be bigger than K-State’s.  What he got was not only bigger than K-State’s, but bigger than almost anybody else’s at the time.  Doc always maintained that the fieldhouse held 17,000 fans (though the official capacity was more like 16,000.  The building was named in his honor, and the Jayhawks debuted it March 1, 1955 against Kansas State with a 77-67 Jayhawk victory.  Doc would also get to coach the Jayhawks for one full season in its new facility before he was forced to retire by law (Kansas required state employees to retire by age 70, which Allen reached in November 1955).  K-State’s Ahern Fieldhouse was retired in 1988 as a basketball facility.  KU still plays in Allen Fieldhouse, nearly 60 years after it was built.  And it remains one of the best college basketball venues in the nation.

Pay Heed All Who Enter – Beware of the Phog

The Original "Pay Heed" Banner

Allen earned the nickname “Phog” early in life because of his voice, which people said sounded like a foghorn.  He never really cared for the nickname, and much preferred “Doc” reflecting his profession.  Although quite a colorful character himself he did not tolerate nonsense from his players.  If he heard that you were carousing in Lawrence late on a Saturday night, he would roust you out of bed at the crack of dawn Sunday morning and make you play handball with him (Doc was quite a handball player).  Many a player got his butt whipped at the game by the coach, who also used the opportunity to lecture his player on the evils of late nights.  One of his former players, Otto Schnellbacher, also recalled the time he took a girl out for a Coke date in Lawrence, and was soon summoned to Dr. Allen’s office.  He was told thttp://www.rockchalk.com/john/john/banner.htmlhat he could do 3 things at KU:  go to class, play ball, and chase girls.  Doc told Otto that he could do 2 of those things very well.  But not all 3.  And Otto was there to go to class and play ball.  Message was received.

Today, a very familiar banner hangs in Allen Fieldhouse advising all visitors to “Pay Heed All Who Enter – Beware of The Phog”.  This banner was first unfurled in Allen Fieldhouse in February 1988 when KU hosted Duke University.  It proved to be popular that day, so the creators brought it back for the Senior Night game against Oklahoma State a couple of weeks later.  Somewhere in there, Doc Allen’s granddaughter saw this banner and demanded of the KU Athletic Department that this banner be made a permanent fixture.  If you want the full story of the banner, the creator of the banner tells it much better than me (http://www.rockchalk.com/john/john/banner.html).  The original was replaced sometime in the late 1990’s (it had grown quite old and was falling apart).

Unfortunate Incident

Doc Allen was also at the center of one of the most embarrassing and unfortunate incidents in KU history.  After Allen’s successor, Dick Harp, retired in 1964, a banquet was held in his honor and Dr. Allen was invited to make some remarks.  Well, the 77-year-old Doc got up and told the audience that he thought Ralph Miller (one of Allen’s former players at KU, and a Hall of Fame Coach) should have succeeded him at KU.  He may have been trying to say that he thought Miller (coaching at Wichita State at the time – he would lead the Shockers to the 1965 Final Four) should have succeeded Harp.  Instead, Harp’s assistant, Ted Owens, was promoted in 1964 and would coach the Jayhawks through the 1983 season.  Harp never commented on the incident and remained the epitome of a first class gentleman throughout.

Postscript

Statue of Phog Allen Outside Allen Fieldhouse
 

Doc Allen was credited with being the father of basketball coaching.  When he sought out Dr. Naismith’s advice on being a coach (way back when he was a student at KU), Naismith told him, “Forrest, you don’t coach basketball, you just play it”.  After watching Allen’s KU teams for many years, Naismith became a convert and presented Allen a plaque that said “From the Father of Basketball to the Father of Basketball Coaching.”  Today, this is stuff of KU legend. 

Dr. Allen married the love of his life, Bessie, way back in the early 20^th century and they enjoyed over 60 years of marriage until her death in 1970.  Dr. Allen was also inducted into numerous halls of fame, including the Basketball Hall of Fame in 1959, and a Charter Inductee into the Kansas Sports Hall of Fame in 1961.  He is also a member of the Missouri Sports Hall of Fame and the College Basketball Hall of Fame.  He also served as a President of the Lawrence Country Club and was a long-time Sunday School teacher.  Truly an extraordinary life.

Quantrill's Raid on Lawrence and the Rise of the Jayhawks

One hundred fifty years ago yesterday (August 21, 1863), William Quantrill and "Bloody" Bill Anderson led their Missouri Bushwhackers (or Ruffians) on a raid of Lawrence, Kansas, which to this day remains one of the most defining events of this region.  At dawn that morning, the Missourians swooped down into town from Mount Oread (pronounced OR ee ad), murdered 183 boys and men (they killed no women or children), robbed the banks and taverns, and left the town in flames then beat a hasty retreat back to Missouri.  All this was done by 9am. 

 

During the Civil War, Lawrence was known as the base of operations for a group of anti-slavery guerillas known as Jayhawkers.  The Jayhawkers instigated some of the fiercest fighting along the Kansas-Missouri border, most notably the burning of the town of Osceola, Missouri.  The Jayhawkers were notably led by Senator Charles Lane, who was very vocal in his anti-slavery sentiments.  It was Lane who ordered relatives of "Bloody" Bill Anderson to be jailed in 1863.  On August 14, 1863, the jail in Kansas City, Missouri that housed three of Anderson's relatives collapsed, killing one of his sisters and permanently paralyzing another.  Many believe this is what led the raid on Lawrence.  There was no doubt that Senator Lane was the primary target of the Missouri raiders.  Lane escaped, wearing his nightshirt, into the cornfields that surrounded Lawrence at the time.  As a result of the raid on Lawrence, General Ewing issued an edict ordering a depopulation of three and a half counties in Missouri, along the Kansas border.  Once the citizens had been removed from their homes, Union troops came through and torched their houses and cornfields and shot the livestock. 

 

The legacy that came through this raid, and the general fighting along the Kansas-Missouri border remains very much a part of the landscape today, particularly in Kansas City.  People in Missouri still regard Quantrill as a hero while those in Kansas still regard him as nothing more than a bloodthirsty murderer.  As the saying goes, one man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter.  Anderson was ultimately killed a year later while Quantrill died in June 1865 in Kentucky.  Even former Missouri Tiger basketball coach Norm Stewart once quipped that Quantrill "did good work" in Lawrence.  Three years after this raid, a small college was founded on Mount Oread in Lawrence, which we now know as the University of Kansas.  Appropriately enough, they took on the nickname, "Jayhawks". 

A Dad's Horrifying Realization

I do not know when exactly that moment arrives when your son is no longer a boy and is now all man.  Not sure that we ever truly lose the little boy inside us, we just play with bigger toys.  For me, as a Dad, I realized about three years ago that I was at one of those points of no return with my son.  As he was headed into high school, the school held a pep rally just for the freshman in which the incoming freshman are taught the school song and the fight song along with some information about the first day of school.  Parents are encouraged to attend, so I attended the pep rally that night myself.  Just for the record I did not sit with my son, as he deemed this to be a major inconvenience for him. 

 

So, the pep rally starts, and they bring out the varsity cheerleaders to teach these impressionable freshman the school song.  And that's when it hits me:  Brent is now going to a school, for the first time in his life, where all the girls have boobs!  Yikes!  While I am sure this is quite a little thrill for a teenage boy, it is horrifying to his Dad.  And not necessarily for the reason(s) you might think.  I am not sure why I even had that thought, but it sure hit me like a ton of bricks.  I do not know what the "Mom perspective" would be to her (especially her oldest) son going to school with that in mind, but I know what the "Dad perspective" is.  This thought made me realize that my son was now "all in" on his stupid years.  Somehow, I was going to have to keep his mind full of common sense and focus in an era where he was going to now be using his "second brain" to do his thinking for him.  For now, this was the era where racing from one stop light to the next would now be considered a good idea without any thought to any negative consequences.  Yep, my son would now become bulletproof and realize that he knew more about life than his stuck in the mud Dad.  I know, just how many teenage boys have ever had that thought, right?

 

Well, I saw a Facebook post from one of my neighbors that the Lancer Launch was tonight, so another class of freshman will be taught the school song and fight song.  And another group of boys goes past that point of no return and officially enters their "stupid years."  Yet in spite of all that, my son has turned out well and for a teenage boy, has used a surprising amount of common sense.  He has made mistakes, but then again the only people who never make mistakes are the ones that do not try.  I am proud of the young man he has become.  Even though we have still have plenty of stupid years to deal with.  But my son is not the only to go through this phase (or is it the parents who go through a phase?) and yet they somehow turn out alright.  I just need to continue to bang some common sense and life's wisdom into him, pray for God to watch over my son, and leave it to the Good Lord to know that it will all turn out ok.  And it usually does.

What Greater Gift Than Love?

"Love is what you've been through with somebody"  James Thurber

Who knows where these thoughts come from.  My mind must think too much, to look past my own troubles and see a better place.  A better place full of harmony and full of love.  This morning, I was thinking of an elderly couple that used to live across the street from (both have passed away).  The incident that I have on my mind occurred in the Fall 2002.  I was walking both my boys to school on a beautiful September morning; Brent was in second grade and Jeff was in kindergarten, and we were walking up our street on our way to Somerset Elementary School.  As we were walking, we saw our neighbors, Joe and Ellen Falk, coming towards us and they were doing a most unusual thing.  They were kicking a rock back and forth between themselves.  They were laughing and giggling and having a most wonderful time.  It all looked so innocent and yet a bit out of place for a couple that had been married for more than fifty years.  And yet what a glorious sight it was!  Here we are nearly eleven years later, and I have never forgotten it.  In my mind, I am sure they had been through fights galore, had there share of hell in raising three children, stressed over money and wondered just how were we going to pay for that car repair and still pay the power bill?  But what I saw that morning were two people who had been through all those wars and battles.  And they had emerged, more than 50 years later, with an unbreakable bond.  They were committed to each other, and to their marriage.  And they could still laugh and giggle like innocent children, and do something so simple as kick a rock back and forth down the street.  And it occurs to me, that is what love looks like, and it is an absolutely beautiful thing when done right.

For those of you that have a marriage like that...where you can still giggle and laugh and remember why you fell in love with your spouse in the first place, I congratulate you.  Never lose that.  What you have is truly special and not to be taken for granted.  I always thought that the best short essay on love was in the Bible, I Corinthians, chapter 13.  What that chapter tells us is that love is everything and that without love, everything else is nothing.  And I look back on Mr and Mrs Falk and I saw the face of love.  Yes it was old and wrinkled.  And it was a bit goofy and not the least bit ashamed of any of it.  And it was truly unbreakable.  What they went through together was love.

In the end Mr. Falk passed away in early 2004, and Mrs Falk passed away about a year later.  She was lost without him and probably died of a broken heart.  And as Edgar Allen Poe wrote in his poem, Annabel Lee, "but we loved with a love that was more than love..." (thank you Mrs. Willingham - my 7th grade English teacher).  That is the most extraordinary life of all..

The Great Deformation By David Stockman - Book Review

I just finished up an interesting book about the financial crash of 2008 by David Stockman called The Great Deformation.  As you may recall, Mr. Stockman was the Budget Director in Reagan Administration from 1981-1985.  After his tenure, he wrote a scathing review of the Reagan Revolution in 1986 titled The Triumph of Politics.  After reading this book, it is easy to conclude that Mr. Stockman is not a very happy man, and he is happy to tell us all about it over the course of 713 pages.  However, the book is full of the history that led us to the events in the fall 2008.  Sometimes, Mr. Stockman's interpretation of these events leaves much to be desired, although on balance I found myself agreeing with him more than disagreeing. 

 

Mr. Stockman basically takes the view that every course of "stimulative" action taken by the federal government going back to the New Deal was entirely unnecessary.  While the book bogs down in the New Deal, and even during the Eisenhower years (Eisenhower was the one President he has admired most in the last 100 years).  But he gives a very good argument as to why TARP was unnecessary.  Ben Bernanke, Alan Greenspan and Hank Paulsen, Richard Nixon and Arthur Burns are clearly the three biggest villains in this book, although as we shall see there are a whole list of bad guys that got us into this mess, and a few good guys who really adhered to the principles of sound monetary management.  This book primarily addresses actions taken by the Federal Reserve, although some fiscal policy is addressed as well.

 

From here, Mr. Stockman backs up and retraces a gradual decline of the Federal Reserve and notes that it really began in earnest when Richard Nixon removed McChesney Martin as Chairman of the Federal Reserve and appointed Arthur Burns in 1970.  Nixon then promptly instructed Burns to pump the economy full of money and make sure that the economy would be booming in time for the 1972 election.  Sure enough, Burns largely complied and the economy was booming right along on Election Day.  However, the truly seminal event was in 1971 when the US abandoned the gold standard and went to straight fiat money, largely at the urging of Milton Friedman.  This event would be the catalyst that brought about the speculative markets in currencies, US Treasuries and stock market indexes.  The flood of money, and the abandonment of the Bretton Woods agreement unleashed the Great Inflation of the 1970's, which was only tamed with appointment of Paul Volcker to the Fed in 1978.  He tightened up money severely, unleashing high interest rates that ultimately succeeded in bringing down inflation.

 

Alan Greenspan comes under a lot of fire in this book, too, and I largely agree with the criticisms.  After the stock crash in October 1987, Mr. Greenspan pumped the system full of money to protect stock market prices.  The Main Street economy was doing just fine, growing 7% in the 3rd quarter of 1987, then growing 5%+ in the 4th quarter followed by another 5%+ in the first quarter of 1988.  The other seminal event was the 1998 rescue of Long Term Capital Management, which was leveraged 30 to 1.  They made an erroneous bet on Treasury security prices and they were set to go out of business.  Once again, Mr. Greenspan bailed them out.  In doing so, he sent an unmistakable message to Wall Street that he would use the Federal Reserve to protect security market speculators who were paying exhoribant prices and leveraging themselves to idiotic degrees.  Finally, this led Mr. Greenspan to oversee the most spectacular asset bubble of all time, the dot-com boom.  He responded to this by flooding the system with money again, thus creating another bubble, this one the housing bubble which would lead to the events of 2008.

 

Ben Bernanke is also a big villain in this book.  He panicked in the face of the crash of 2008, invoking comparisons to the Great Depression.  Although Mr. Stockman does not mention much about all of Mr. Bernanke's quantitative easing (ie money printing), it is abundantly clear that the money is going to the financial economy on Wall Street and not to the Main Street economy.  Hence, Mr. Bernanke's pump priming is doing nothing but enriching the 1%.

 

As for the various US Presidents, Mr. Stockman most admired Eisenhower while he most disliked Nixon.  The man he worked for, Mr. Reagan, comes in for mixed reviews.  He applauds Reagan for largely wanting to follow sound money principles and for his re-appointment of Paul Volcker as Fed Chairman in 1983 in the face of heavy Republican opposition.  However, he also criticizes Reagan's stubbornness in insisting on a large defense buildup, which Mr. Stockman thought completely unnecessary.  The defense buildup cost Mr. Reagan the capital he needed to cut other parts of the budget and the deficit exploded.  Personally, I believe a defense buildup was needed at that time, although not nearly as large as Mr. Reagan insisted.  As for our most recent officeholders, Mr. Stockman basically believes George W Bush and Barack Obama are both complete dunces.  It is also abundantly clear that he regards Crony Capitalism as one the great scourges of our society.  He says that Franklin Roosevelt was the father of Crony Capitalism with his New Deal, although the last two Presidents, Bush and Obama, have perfected it. 

 

What comes through in all this, and it takes a lot to get through, is that Mr. Stockman sees a continual pattern of the Federal Reserve moving away from its original purpose.  In doing so, it has created an environment in which excess speculation is encouraged (and losses are bailed out).  The Fed has always been quick, in his view, to turn on the money spigot, especially in the last 40 years.  Fiscal policy has also been irresponsible the last 30 years, from the Reagan defense build-up to the Bush Wars to Obama's stimulus and green energy initiatives.  What this has all led to is the Fed pumping a bunch of money into the economy and enriching the few.  None of this speculative excess trickles into the real economy, hence the 1% are enriched while the other 99% gets fleeced.

 

My verdict on the book?  I give it a lukewarm recommendation at best.  This is not an easy read, and I do not necessarily agree with all of Mr. Stockman's conclusions.  The book has sloppy writing in places, it bogs down easily, and much of the book is based on Mr. Stockman's interpretation of events rather than actual research.  But he does paint an interesting picture in places, and will cause you to think. 

Just As I Am

"Just as I am without one plea, but that thy blood was shed for me, and that Thou biddst me come to Thee, O Lamb of God, I come.  I come."

 

Oftentimes I write entries into my blog, not because I have the answers, but because I am looking for answers.  Writing helps me process my own disjointed thoughts into something more organized.  I know that in many ways I am a broken and tortured soul.  I think too much.  Why does my mind go a million miles an hour?  And sometimes (actually quite often) I find myself in situations beyond my control.  Relying on my faith becomes a mixed blessing.  I often wonder where God is at times like that.  At those moments, I do not see God as an omnipotent King, sitting on a throne so brilliant that it blinds.  At those moments, God is a man dressed in shabby clothes who gets down on the ground with me and tries to tell me everything will be ok.  I want to believe Him, but it is so hard at times like that.

 

"Just as I am, though tossed about, with many a conflict, many a doubt, fightings within and fears without, O Lamb of God, I come, I come."

 

Many times all I see are my failings.  For whatever reason, I see them easily.  As I write this, I feel overwhelmed by them.  A failed business.  Yes, the business was overwhelmed by a bad economy, but good managers and good executives find a way to overcome.  A failed marriage that lasted less than a year.  Closing a failing business shortly after the marriage sure did not help anything.  And to be honest with myself I was not completely honest with her about the condition of the business, and the debt I had taken on to keep it afloat.  It seemed all I did as a business owner was rob Peter to pay Paul.  And now I feel overwhelmed by debt I will never be able to repay.  But to be such a colossal failure at marriage.  I do not blame her for leaving.  She made her share of mistakes, too.  But that does not help me now.  I have to look at my own mistakes and learn from them.  And I see my failing as a father to provide for my children.  Because of the failed business, I will be forced to sell my home.  The only home my kids have ever known.  Yes, it sucks.  And it all falls on me.  This is a situation of my own making.  It is not hard to find the conflicts and doubts within me.  I have certainly been tossed about. 

 

"Just as I am, poor, wretched, blind; sight, riches, healing of the mind, yea, all I need in Thee to find, O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

 

Just as I am, Thou wilt receive, wilt welcome, pardon, cleanse, relieve; because Thy promise I believe, O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

 

Just as I am, Thy love unknown hath broken every barrier down; now, to be Thine, yea, Thine alone, O Lamb of God, I come, I come."

 

These last verses speak to a hope fulfilled.  I have yet to see that.  I hope I do.  As my pastor says, "For those whose hope is in Christ, the worst thing is never the last thing."  I do hope for healing.  I remember my marriage counselor, a woman named Shay Freeman, told me to heal myself.  She could see a mile away that I needed healing.  I see Ms. Freeman as the type who will get in your face and tell it like she sees it.  She will not mince words.  But she will also bring boundless love.  And she will get down on the ground with you at your lowest point so that she can look you in the eye and let you know that it will all be ok.  In my heart, I know I will be welcomed, pardoned and cleansed.  It is myself that I am torturing.  It is myself that I cannot heal.  "Thy love hath broken every barrier down."  I have built barriers around me.  I know this.  I feel embarrassed by my failures.  How do these barriers get broken down.  I know I have been shown a large amount of love.  Yet the barriers stand. 

 

Some of you may recognize the poem that I have quoted, "Just As I Am", written by Charlotte Elliot (1789-1871) in 1834.  She was raised as a devout Christian, but was also an invalid.  She had many doubts about her faith and about herself.  By historical accounts, she suffered great pain.  This song certainly helped her reconcile her doubts and conflicts.  It was not written in one sitting, but over a period of months.  In 1849, William Bradbury put music to the words and it has since become a classic hymn. 

 

I love this song.  I love its utter rawness.  This song strips away the polish, the shine.  It speaks to raw emotion, raw feeling.  It is a song for the truly tortured soul.  It is just you, your fears, your conflicts, doubts - and God.  So it is time to heal myself.  I have been blessed with the gifts needed to heal myself.  And the words to this song speak to me.  I hope they always will. 

 

In assembling my thoughts for this blog entry, I referenced John 8:1-11 in the New Testament, the story of the woman caught in adultery and brought to Jesus by the Pharisees and Teachers of the Law.  When they asked Jesus what he would do to the woman, he replied, "Let each of you who is without sin cast the first stone." (John 8:7).  All the woman's accusers dropped their stones and left.  Afterward, Jesus asked her, "Has no one condemned you?" (v. 10).  No, she said.  He finally said "Then neither do I condemn you.  Go and leave your life of sin." (v.11)  Despite my fears, doubts, conflicts, focus on my failures, God has not condemned me, according to this Scripture.  I am still raw.  I still need healing.  I need to set my stone down, the one I am poised to throw at myself. 

 

I write this for myself and for those who doubt or are torn apart by conflict, self-loathing, fear and doubt.  Right now, I do not like where my life is at.  I utterly hate having to put on a happy face and pretend all is well when it is not.  I have to hope and believe that someday, somewhere joy will be found again.  For the worst thing is never the last thing, is it?

 

Notes

Lyrics to "Just As I Am"  http://library.timelesstruths.org/music/Just_as_I_Am/  Yes, I left out the second verse. 

 

Story of the adultress   http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?s=O&utm_expid=13466113-5&search=John%208:1-11&version=NIV&utm_referrer=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.biblegateway.com%2Fquicksearch%2F%3Fquicksearch%3Dlet%2Bhe%2Bwho%2Bis%2Bwithout%2Bsin%26qs_version%3DNIV

Whatever Happened To Freedom?

"Give me liberty or give me death!"  Patrick Henry, 1775

America is truly unique among the nations of the world in that the nation was founded upon an ideal, and not simply a man or group of men in quest for power.  The unique American ideal is freedom, or liberty.  Now, man has aspired to live free since time began.  But America has made that freedom very real, not just for its own citizens for a world to still looks to America for inspiration.  In less than a month, America will celebrate its 237th year of independence from Great Britain.  Politicians and leaders of all stripes will stand and give speeches extolling the virtues of freedom and laud it as the American ideal.

But, these same leaders and politicians will do something entirely different.  We are slowly losing our freedom, bit by bit.  Freedom, or liberty if you will, is now treated as a Christmas decoration.  Our national leaders haul it out once a year for the appropriate holiday, but when the day is over, it is put in a box and neatly stored away, not to be seen or heard from again until the holiday rolls around again next year.  As a child of the 1980's, I still remember President Reagan practically nauseating us all with his extensive references to freedom and liberty.  As Mandy Pitinkin said to Wallace Shawn in the movie, The Princess Bride, about the word inconceivable: "You keep using that word.  I do not think it means what you think it means." (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YIP6EwqMEoE).  But he did know freedom's meaning and it was us that apparently did not know what it means.

The First Amendment
"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances."

This amendment is becoming more and more of a distant memory everyday.  More and more we hear about our government electronically monitoring our citizens.  And it keeps getting worse.  It is not just an Obama thing.  President George W Bush did it, too.  And both Democrats and Republicans in Congress applaud our government for its electronic surveillance.  Senator Barbara Boxer (D-CA) said that it was justified to weed out "potential terrorists".  What?  Whatever happened to Probable Cause that is required for warrants in the Fourth Amendment?  Potential terrorist is not probable cause.  This current Administration's monitoring of the press harkens back to the days of Richard Nixon.  Nixon was extremely paranoid and he thought the press was out to get him.  In all fairness, the press hated him with a passion even before Watergate.  But Nixon's "Plumber's Unit" went so far as to break into the office of Daniel Ellsberg's (author of the Pentagon Papers) psychiatrist to try to dig up dirt on the writer.  Obama's henchmen meanwhile used the IRS to target Tea Party groups to suppress free speech, and accused a Fox News reporter of being a "co-conspirator" in an espionage activity (most credible journalists stand behind the Fox News reporter, noting it was just good investigative reporting.  I agree).

What we are seeing here is an erosion of the basic First Amendment rights to freedom of speech and freedom of the press.  This goes even further.  Senator Dick Durbin (D-IL) said recently that he wonders what kind of constitutional protections bloggers and tweeters have.  What??  Bloggers and Tweeters have a constitutionally guaranteed right to freedom of speech!  And the speech that our Founding Fathers most wanted to protect:  Political speech.  Every single one of our nation's Founding Fathers would have been hanged by the British had we lost the Revolutionary War, primarily for their outspoken criticism of the British government that led to the armed rebellion in the first place.  They had quite an appreciation for free speech and specifically stated that Congress shall make no law abridging freedom of speech.  Now we must wonder about that as we see the abuse of Section 215 of the Patriot Act (passed largely by the Republicans in Congress and signed into law by President Bush in 2001).

Born Free
On June 4, testifying before the House Ways and Means Committee about IRS harassment, Becky Gerritson of the Wetumpka, Alabama Tea Party said this, "I am not here as a serf or vassal. I am not begging my lords for mercy. I’m a born free American woman, wife, mother, and citizen. And I’m telling my government that you’ve forgotten your place. It’s not your responsibility to look out for my well-being and to monitor my speech. It’s not your right to assert an agenda. Your post, the post that you occupy, exists to preserve American liberty. You’ve sworn to perform that duty. And you have faltered.”  I agree with her sentiments and believe they are well stated.  The prevailing attitude in Washington is that the government is our master.  The government is our servant!  I wish they would remember that.  And I wish the government's number one duty is to protect, preserve and defend the Constitution of the United States instead of looking to pervert it any way possible.

What we are seeing with our leaders' attitude is an erosion of freedom.  We most obviously see the erosion in freedom of speech and freedom of the press.  But what about our economic freedom?  We are seeing a huge erosion here.  Of course, we see it in the tax imposed on citizens to buy healthcare.  You may argue that any prudent person would buy health insurance anyway, and this is largely true.  But the act of purchasing such a product should be voluntary, not mandatory.  And the President's next target is retirement.  Yes, the President actually proposed in his 2013 budget to start the process of cashing in everyone's retirement savings (i.e. 401 (k)'s) and issuing government checks to ensure those of retirement age a "reasonable retirement".  If you want an "extraordinary" retirement, you're out of luck.  Whatever happened to our ability to buy our own stuff in the market place?  I know that still exists, but will we soon be told what cars we can and cannot buy, or the homes we can and cannot buy?  Or even what occupation or career we will pursue?

The bigger point here is that our freedoms are being eroded.  Our right to free speech is being attacked, as are our freedom of the press and our economic freedom.  Thomas Jefferson once said, "Experience hath shewn, that even under the best forms of government those entrusted with power have, in time, and by slow operations, perverted it into tyranny."  What we see happening before our very eyes is the devolution of freedom into tyranny.  Over the last 20-25 years, the rest of the world has sought to throw off the shackles of oppressive government and we seem to be pursuing it.  Once again, I come back to Jefferson who said, "A wise and frugal Government, which shall restrain men from injuring one another, which shall leave them otherwise free to regulate their own pursuits of industry and improvement, and shall not take from the mouth of labor the bread it has earned. This is the sum of good government, and this is necessary to close the circlue of our felicities."  And as President Reagan said in his first inaugural address, "If no one is capable of governing himself, who among us is capable of governing another?"  Of course, an arrogant elite in Washington is thinking more and more they know what is best for us.  Government today is overstepping its bounds and in the process is eroding our freedoms. 

Maureen Dowd, writing in the New York Times on June 8, (http://www.nytimes.com/2013/06/09/opinion/sunday/dowd-peeping-president-obama.html?_r=0) quoted from George Orwell's "1984", “How often, or on what system, the Thought Police plugged in on any individual wire was guesswork. It was even conceivable that they watched everybody all the time. But at any rate they could plug in your wire whenever they wanted to.” This was the scary stuff that the Soviet Union would aspire to do to control its people according to Orwell.  What is so scary today is not that this is happening in an oppressive dictatorship.  It is happening in the United States, the world's bastion of freedom!

We Need A Revolution
I am not saying we need to take up arms at this time.  The revolution we need is an attitude adjustment in Washington.  We need an attitude that says the government is the servant of the people.  When I say that, I am not referring to civil servants who carry out the laws passed by Congress.  There may be some arrogant civil servants.  But the real arrogance lies in a leadership that thinks it knows what we need better than we do.  And a government that "takes care of us" but only in a manner that feeds the ruling party's political constituents.  Both Democrats and Republicans are thoroughly broken.  We do not have leaders, we have a bunch of puppets.  Both sides are just looking to advance their own ideologies, good governance be damned.  America has always been blessed with great leaders at times of national crisis.  Today, the crisis is leadership, and our current leaders' only solution appears to be to diminish our freedoms.  Abraham Lincoln warned us, "America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves."

Notes
For more quotes on freedom and liberty from Thomas Jefferson (and he has many), go to the following:  http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/t/thomas_jefferson.html

For more quotes from Ronald Reagan, go the following: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/r/ronald_reagan.html

For more quotes from Abraham Lincoln, go to the following:  http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/a/abraham_lincoln.html

For more quotes from Patrick Henry, go to the following:  http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/p/patrick_henry.html