The Puruit of Happiness

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” – Thomas Jefferson, 1776

Sometimes I wonder if Jefferson wrote a most unfortunate sentence here. The right to pursue happiness I do not question, but sometimes I question why the pursuit of happiness? To be happy is very desirable, and I do not question that happiness is a good thing. I want to be happy! Who doesn’t, right? But I do feel that happiness itself is so often misunderstood. At least, I seem to misunderstand it. People pursue happiness as a primary goal. What I have found in my own pursuit of happiness is that it is a secondary feeling, not a primary one. We are happy as a result of other feelings. And the ironic thing is, many of those who pursue happiness for the sake of being happy wind up quite unhappy. I have found that there are three keys to ultimately being happy: 1) give yourself away; 2) be your genuine self; 3) confront conflicts and problems head on right away.

Happiness may start within, but it needs to flow out. You will not find happiness by focusing strictly on yourself. So be a blessing to someone else today. Love those close to you. Live joyfully, with kindness and generosity towards others, and gratitude in your heart. Be sure to express that gratitude! Laugh with others every day. Cast out hate, selfishness and envy. You do these things, and an unexplainable peace will come over you. Examine those parts of your life that bring out your best. Do the same with what brings out your worst. Do these things and you will be on your way to happiness. I have found that I do need to take time each day for myself. We all need to recharge, to unwind. Take that time. This will make you a better parent, a better spouse, a better you.

Nobody is better at being you than you. This is a great thing. So be you! This has been the most difficult thing for me. Earlier this year, a friend asked me, “What do you really love to do?” or words to that effect. Another way to put this is to ask yourself what makes you most authentically you? Being somebody else in order to please others will not bring you happiness. Yet I spent many years doing just that. In the end, I was miserable. Strangely enough, my stroke has forced me to lay aside some of my own expectations, and I have become more authentically me. I have found more peace, contentment and happiness in the process. But what about unhealthy aspects that make you who you are? What controls you? Is it alcohol or drugs? An inappropriate relationship that threatens you and your family? Financial difficulties? These parts of you need to change. Confront them and defeat them. You can do it! These things make false promises and rob you of true happiness.

The third key to happiness is confronting conflicts and problems right away. Life is not always easy, light and happy. Sometimes we encounter difficulties as mentioned above. Confront these early. Do not let them linger or build up. Life does not always go as planned. My life is nothing like I thought it would be! It could be the loss of a loved one. Grieve them deeply. It could be an accident. It could be the way someone else treats you. An unhappy customer. Confront the difficulties early before they become too big, and in the long run you will be much happier.

I find it easier to define happiness by what it is not, rather than what it is. For instance, happiness is not found in the acquisition of more stuff. Your stuff should work for you and serve you well. But it will never make you truly happy. Our human nature will always want the next great thing. It is not found in making money for the sake of making money. It is not found by placing your hope in others. People will let you down. They do not mean to, and this does not make them bad people. It is just their human nature (or perhaps our own?). And it is not found in filling up your life with busyness. Being busy with things that do not serve any greater purpose than busyness will leave you feeling frustrated and unfulfilled. Understand that happiness is not an instantaneous thing, but rather an evolutionary process. It does not happen overnight, but over a period of time.

I am sure that many of you already know these things intuitively. I learned much of this the hard way and am still learning. The good news is that I am much happier and more at peace with myself than I have been in a long time. I have found that if you have laughed, if you have loved, if you have treated others with kindness, given yourself generously, filled your heart with joy and peace then you have had a heck of a day! And that is what will make you happy. This makes happiness my “word” for 2019. True, genuine, clean-to-the-bone, fill-my-soul happiness. Happy 2019 everyone!